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FAQ

How can one help someone with BPD, especially a parent to an adult child?
Be gentle. Talk to them as though they and they alone are in your presence. I feel they need to know that you are there for them. It’s a lonely world when you constantly think differently than others. Be THAT person for your child. Steady, slow, and constant. Ask is they understand you and be patient either they will or they won’t and you will observe that you need to work in a different way so they CAN understand. Your child isn’t LESS, they are just different. Build their confidence in a different way than your other children. It’s probably more work, but you’ll get more rewards for your work. I promise.
How badly could a child turn out to be if one parent is abusive and another is reclusive?
I agree with the last answer. Severe mental illness which will probably result in extreme shyness and a fear of meeting anyone new, or perhaps even speaking to a cashier.The child will almost certainly contemplate suicide innumerable times and may likely kill themselves.If you are in a bad situation like you’ve described, do not have children - or get away with your child ASAP.
If one parent has blue eyes and the other brown, what are the chances of their child having blue eyes?
Everyone writing here is using their education they received 20 years ago. Which means they are all wrong.Your question is impossible to answer without DNA sequencing both parents, or at least figuring out which genes the parents are carrying on both their chromosomes.Eye colour is determined by an unknown number of genes. There is evidence suggesting up to 16 genes are relevant in the formation of the colour of the eyes.It is however possible to predict with 90% accuracy the eye color of a child if one knows 6 SNPs in both parents.So please don’t jump in and say “that’s not your child”, if someone has a child with blue eyes but has brown eyes themselves. Reality is much more complex.Please read more on the topic by reading the articles cited in:Eye color - Wikipedia
Why do Narcissistic parents want to see their own child fail? How can one get pleasure out of that? Did you have such an experience?
Because they feel so bad about themselves that seeing someone else having a tough time in life makes gives them a momentary break from the shitty feelings they have about themselves. People that are this bad are often sadists. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain on others.My mom was like this. I couldn’t tell her anything good about anything happening to me. It would put her in a really bad mood. Upon hearing good news from me she could do a few things. Wait for me to finish, then move on to something great happening to her without even remarking on what I just said. She could cut me off. She could try to twist the good news into not really being good. Basically anything to take away to positiveness for me.It was the opposite for bad news. I learned that if I told her of bad times, she would laugh at me. I didn’t get the girl I wanted, She would laugh or smile, and say something like well sucks for you. She enjoyed hearing about people being shitty to me. I could see her perk up in her bed.She loved when I asked her for help because then she can feel powerful and in control.I never figured out what happened with this but I’m sure you can imagine what happened. My mom had this dog named Franky. He was awesome dog and I loved playing with him. When I would go over to her house, Franky and I would play with this cheap grocery store ball in the back yard. I would kick the ball and he would go chase it and bring it back and we would have a good ol time. One day I came over to my moms house and went to get the ball and he ran away from it. He wanted nothing to do with the ball. I tired a few times over the course of a week, but the same thing, he was afraid of the ball. What do you think happened?Once I started meditating I became more positive and unaffected by her behavior, so she upped the criticisms and sly put downs big time. It’s like she had to have me down and affected negatively by her. If I was happy, the look on her face was one of disgust. Often times when I was happy and smiling she could not help her self and would fire off back to back criticisms about what I’m wearing or something I did 2 days ago. It was painful for her to see me doing well.Narcs abuse those closest to them because eventually the narc will begin to see how this person(son, daughter, friend, significant other) is really better than them. Since narcs don’t know how to change themselves from the inside, they seek to change things outside of themselves to feel better.
How does one handle the pain when a parent will not allow her child to spend time with his grandparents?
I am so sorry if this is your situation as I can totally relate. I have lived this pain since all 4 of my son’s became adults and married. My first 3 walked away and except for the first 4 years of one son’s children’s lives I have not seen them since, and not spent time with any of the others. The most painful is from my youngest son. His daughter and I have been in each others life since she was born and is now 8, and through anger and misunderstandings from her parents‡ who are separated and navigating this painful experience they now have stopped allowing me to see my sweet granddaughter. Remember hurting people hurt people. Of course many will assume it is justified, but in many cases this occurs either from pain the parents are walking, or hardness of their hearts and yes grandparents make mistakes but all people do. However, we live in a pretty godless society where adult children often no longer hold to the truth of importance of family or do not believe and obey the principles of God and HIS word. Sometimes it happens to prevent grandparents a voice with their grandchildren that goes against what the parents views are, such as the grandparent believes and lives according to God’s word, and parents have either walked away from this or never came to a knowledge and walk with Jesus and don’t want their children to know faith in God. There are many erroneous reasons this occurs too often in families today, and it is hurtful for all concerned I hope my answer will pryou the support you need to walk this painful path.Making this decision more that hurting the grandparents, while that certainly is a painful journey, it hurts the grandchildren and cheats them out of the love and wisdom God intended for children to enjoy. The memories of the wonderful times spent with my granddaughter no doubt has her wondering where is her Nana. We shared many special times like the first and only time she has ridden a horse and I can still see the smile that never left her face to this day, she was just 4 and 5. The many crafts we made together and the walks and shared times like going on a scavenger hunt and making a scrapbook. And the scrapbooks made for her memories with pictures. The room we painted in my home to her wishes and so much more. And yes the pain is real and difficult however as a Christian this is how I am dealing with my loss.God has the big picture and I can only see here and now. I don’t know why God has allowed this in my life, however, perhaps for me it was to drive me to HIM and develop a deeper faith that sustains me and will allow me to never lose hope.Also, we don’t know what our children are going through and just as we often made mistakes they too will make some and we need to continue to pray for them as in the end what will be most important is that they come to a true knowledge and live in obedience to God so their lives and those of their children will be blessed.So most of all never stop praying and continue to live each day with the hope that your grandchildren’Continue to pray that the parents will come to realize that their children can and will benefit from grandparents love and deserve the love of all their family, and pray that whatever has hardened their hearts to this truth that God will reveal to them HIS truth and soften their hearts to do what is best for their children not based on their feelings but on God truth. Connecting Through PrayerI hope the link to this article will do for you what it has reminded me of that while we might not see our grandchildren we can connect to them through prayer. If you are assured that you can write to them and your letters or cards will be given to them, do so and write encouraging letters to support them and focus totally on letting them know you love them and pray for them every day. Do not use these efforts in any way to demean or discuss the parent’s. They love their parents and children should never be asked to deal with adult issues or to feel they have to choose between being loyal to one or the other. They need to be encouraged to love and respect their parents always, even if you think they are doing something in error, never voice a negative to the grandchild as that only hurts the child. Adults should never cause a child to doubt those who love them and be allowed to judge for themselves base don their experience with each as we all change and grow and how our children experienced us may be totally different than how our grandchildren do, because life usually sees us growing in wisdom as we age and our relationship with our grandchildren can be an added benefit to the raising of their child and I pray one day they will come to see this.I you are not allowed any contact or can’t be sure your efforts will be received just keep pray as HE is the only one with the power to change the circumstances in our lives. Connecting Through PrayerThe statement below is from the article I placed in this answer and my thoughts and prayers are with you that we will pray for our grandchildren that God will answer it what is best and right according to HIS word and HIS will and purpose.We need to know Love is of God and where there is no love God does not control the dynamics of the family decisions. Where there is God there is love so keep praying for this to become a realtyKnowing my grandmother was supporting me in prayer made all the difference. Despite the miles between us, her constant prayers drew us closer and gave me assurance that I wasn't alone.