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FAQ

When and how should one divorced parent tell the children about the other parent's history with drugs and domestic violence?
I am in a somewhat similar situation. Except it wasn't drugs and violence. Instead, my kids were sleeping at my ex’s house when the police arrested him at 3am for carnal knowledge of a juvenile.They were 3 and 5 at the time. As you can imagine, being awakened by pounding on the door and then seeing their dad hauled off in a police car was a traumatic experience for them both. It still breaks my heart that they were there to witness it.My kids are 7 and 9 now. That night was the last time they ever saw their dad unsupervised.I enlisted the help of a very good therapist to deal with the aftermath. I used the judge as an excuse for a long time. But kids ask a lot of questions and can be pretty persistent. Eventually, I had to give them a little more information so they would not constantly worry that I will be whisked away in the middle of the night.I've worked to keep it on a level they can understand without being overly critical of their father. At this point, they know that their dad did something he knew was wrong. They also know that it involved having a girlfriend that was too young.What they don't know is that sex was involved. Hell, my 7-year-old doesn't even know that sex exists.Now that they're getting older, I do worry about the day they decide to Google their dad’s name. The first thing that pops up is a news article detailing the charges along with his mugshot.
How did you feel when one of your parents came out of the closet? Or how did you feel as a parent coming out to your children?
I found out my father was gay through an online chat about 2 months ago, we have this online chat in our country and a lot of people use it for hookups, one night I was there and there was this person using his name, I inquired them about their location and asked a lot of questions, it turned out that person was actually him. He didn't know it was me though, so I left the chat aftet a while and I came back later, he was still there. He started hitting on guys and saying things I don't think are appropriate to put here.How did I feel about it? He has always been a jerk to me and my mother. Always cheating, beating her, manipulating me, disappearing, wasting my mother's money on drugs. And funny enough, he has always been kind of an homophobic, I remember one time being at a local park with him and there were two guys holding hands. He told me they were gonna burn in hell. It has always annoyed me because I hate people like that. It didn't have any impact on me when I found out he was gay, I just thought the things he wrote were kinda funny.He didn't come out, I figured it out myself and it didn't change my life or anything. I'm bisexual myself and I'm happy for him despite him not being the best father.
How can one help someone with BPD, especially a parent to an adult child?
Be gentle. Talk to them as though they and they alone are in your presence. I feel they need to know that you are there for them. It’s a lonely world when you constantly think differently than others. Be THAT person for your child. Steady, slow, and constant. Ask is they understand you and be patient either they will or they won’t and you will observe that you need to work in a different way so they CAN understand. Your child isn’t LESS, they are just different. Build their confidence in a different way than your other children. It’s probably more work, but you’ll get more rewards for your work. I promise.
How does one manage to fill the generation gap between parents and children?
There is no single answer to that. Just like a seed will not know what is it like being a tree, similarly a tree won`t remember what was it like being a tiny seed ages back. But we believe there are some ways to bridge the gap though:Stories: They are possibly the best way to keep the young ones aroused to know more about you during your younger days. Stories of friendships, heartbreaks, bunked classes, pranks, games you played, music you listened to and places you visited will fill your kids with wonder and will let them know you as kids and not as strict and admonishing parents. Hearing stories of your kids at play, school or college helps them to articulate their experiences and connect with you deeply.Vacations/Trips: Spending time together as a unit improves bonding and creates memories for a lifetime. The planning, organising, packing, travelling and spending some days as a group together improves your understanding about each other and gives you space to notice the similarities and dissimilarities in you and your children.Pray: Spending some time to pray together or scheduling a prayer at the start of a meal helps you to connect on a common ground besides the mundane. Connecting with a common divine source helps you to acknowledge and appreciate the differences in nature and the passing of time.We at YouCare believe that a family that eats together, stays together. With the right caretakers for your loved ones, you can now enjoy your time with your family without worries. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter to know more.
How badly could a child turn out to be if one parent is abusive and another is reclusive?
I agree with the last answer. Severe mental illness which will probably result in extreme shyness and a fear of meeting anyone new, or perhaps even speaking to a cashier.The child will almost certainly contemplate suicide innumerable times and may likely kill themselves.If you are in a bad situation like you’ve described, do not have children - or get away with your child ASAP.
In filling a passport form, if one is an adopted child to a single male parent, what does one fill in the mother’s name column?
None of n/a.